Retired GM Research & Development Czar Harvey "Buck" Ossington bought his new Hummer H2 just a month ago, but was so taken with the excessive, retro-technology vibe of his mammoth ride that he undertook the equally mammoth task of converting his ranch home in suburban Spittleton, Pennsylvania, to Hummeristic charm.

Ossington proudly reports "I pulled that old ice box out of our garage, painted it bright yellow and then armor-plated the entire kitchen. I even renamed my son Harvey2 — I call him H2 for short." Ossington's next DIY conversion will be one the neighbors are sure to like: six-feet thick, reinforced concrete bunker walls surrounding his family compound. "I'm figuring search lights every 16 feet around the perimeter, triple-layer razor wire, and sandbags all around."

Ossington is also concerned about how to power all these new features. "I'm putting in a diesel generator. That will cut my electricity bill down to nothing." When asked about the cost and pollution of running a large diesel generator on his property, and what his neighbors might think, Ossington replied: "Hey, this is a Hummer thing. I don't care about the air my neighbors breathe any more than I care about the gas mileage of my family car. It's Like Nothing Else©."

Mrs. O and the kids were sequestered for failure to report for gas pump duty and were unavailable for comment.